I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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