saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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