Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
