Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
