Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
