Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
