hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
