You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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