the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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