I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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