none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
