i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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