god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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