Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
