Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
