I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
