I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
