Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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