Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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