Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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