wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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