I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
