please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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