Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
