u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The adults are the big ones right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
