im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
