I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
