So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
