At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
