Walk of Shame. In a state park.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
50% drunk capacity currently
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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