oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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