i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
