i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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