C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
