Too much gin, very little bucket
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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