Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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