call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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