Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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