i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Found the puke drawer
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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