His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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