I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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