Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
