sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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