my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
