It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
