so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
