sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
