There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
that's an acceptable place to lick
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
