I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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