this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
