Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
