let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
