We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
