he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
